What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
