Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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