If i come over, it means nothing
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
