in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
