I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
