may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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