Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
