you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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