Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
