whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
