I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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