Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
