Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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