I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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