Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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