Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
