My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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