We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
