and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Two words: nipple clamps
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