you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
