You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
