I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize