Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
