dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
splinters make it hard to masturbate
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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