Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
