If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
