By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
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