Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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