one might say we're banned from that church
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
