I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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