there's paper in my vomit.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
