uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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