I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
