I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
