i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
