At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
