i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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