my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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