u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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