all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
