Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
