Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
they're like a gay fantastic four
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
