Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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