addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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