I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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