I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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