This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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