Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
