we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize