dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Randomize
