Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
of course. lets lasso hookers.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I have post one night stand depression
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
