Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
