Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
