we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
