Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
