My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize