I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
