Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
