We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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