He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
