the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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