I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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