smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The struggles of a small town man whore
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
