I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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