I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
