idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
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