matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
