Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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