She's JV to your varsity
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
