Please don't use social media to get back at me.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
