he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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