I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
