He kissed a someone with a penis
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
