Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
