you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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