Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
