There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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