I'm going to jail i love you
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize