You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
