ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
