Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
