playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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