Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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