I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize