dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
