I looked at my own cervix.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Randomize
