I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
