you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
