I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
