How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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