Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
