...so i touched it.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize