I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
