Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
