Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
