well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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