my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
