Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
