he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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