I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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