So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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