Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
