You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
