my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Randomize
