well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
