My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
