i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
