i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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